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The Band

Imagine the scene. A Band for Britain is on the television (you know that program with that razor sharp Sue Perkins and Dinnington Colliery band) and there is somebody sat right there thinking, "I used to play the cornet and I used to enjoy it. I think I might start playing again". And this person decides to seek out a place to do just that. And that person tentatively knocks on the bandroom door. On hearing nothing, this person tries the handle and the door opens. Walking in to the foyer and then into the main bandroom, there is a wall of faces. For a moment, it is the proverbial Slaughtered Lamb scene (Werewolf in London - watch it, if only because it's got Jenny Agutter in it!). Nobody knows what to do. The band is thinking "Is it true that a person can drink a can of Dr Pepper and then go on a crazy misadventure ending up at our bandroom? Are they mad?" This person is thinking, "Oh no, they've got a bloke that looks like Yoda and another that looks like Bing Crosby. There's another one who could have been a former member of MI6, and is that Father Ted?" Breaking everybody's concentration, because he has none, up jumps Steve, our man on the pulse, and extends out his grubby paw (late home from work that night), welcomes said person and puts them in full view of everyone on the front row of the cornet section. What a start to banding life with Linfit. After the spanish interrogation by the man with the white stick, the person is introduced to the band. And band practise began.

That's the truth as far as the Web Fairy can make it up. The Web Fairy was late that night, so it may not be a complete account of what occurred, but it matters not...... WE HAVE A NEW PLAYER!!!! She is a boyracer with a manner cooler than the Janitor in Hong Kong Phooey, a calmness that only applies to people when sleeping and a bravado stronger than walking off the roads on the moors, in the dark, when there is a full moon. Better still she can produce a fine sound from her cornet and impressed all of us from the minute she walked into the bandroom. Everybody, meet Lisa!

You see, it does happen! And she attended rehearsal on the next practise night, and again, and again. So for those of you reading this and suffering under the effects of wondering what could go wrong, we are used to meeting new people now, so you'll be a doddle to handle next time. See you soon!

Conductor: Found!

Gordon Pulleyn. The name strikes placidity into all who know him. It's no wonder he has the nickname "Lion Heart". A musical fanatic who demands the best from his bread and butter and a wine-glass grip on the white stick. A mind that is known for producing witticisms unparalleled by any other Conductor in the bandroom at the same time as him and a knowledge of music unsurpassed by anybody in an infant's school.

Yep, Gordon Pulleyn. We have a dedication to him on our History Page when he previously conducted the band way back in... ooooo, the Web Fairy wasn't even born then! Gordon stood in to help the band for the Christmas Engagements and despite our best efforts at trying to let him go, he kept turning up, rehearsal after rehearsal, pestering us for a go at taking the band full-time, telling us he'd drop everything to be back at the head of the bandroom, if only we would give him the nod. Unfortunately, during one of those speeches, Gordon must have caught sight of Go-go-gadget Eastwood falling into one of his customary snoozes and took the dropping of Bob's head as the final act of acknowledgement that he needed to crown himself the Linfit Band Conductor. And that was it. By the time the rest of the band had awoken, the cauldron was bubbling away, the ritual ceremony finished, and the transformation complete. Catching sight of an awakening band, he then shot out in to the middle of the night and bayed at the moon for all to hear. Lisa was nervous to say the least....

So, Gordon is in control of the following sub-ordinates:-